May 2013
l1berum:
I just want someone who will also want me who I can talk to about anything and everything without being judged and that will show me so much love and care I can’t believe it’s real and I’m that lucky
sorryforpartybarackin:
the best kind of people are the really cute ones that you wanna cuddle and drink hot chocolate and go for walks in the park and watch dumb movies and build blanket forts with but also slam up against a wall and fuck their brains out
zackisontumblr:
if you’re following me i’m just warning you that i don’t know where i’m going
memyselfandhate:
iamonlydorb:
sucysucyfivedolla:
the inside of your butt is warm enough to hardboil an egg
oh no I’m not falling for this one again
what
danielhoe:
IF YOU DIDN’T THINK LORD FARQUAAD FROM SHREK WAS THE CREEPIEST THING YOU’VE EVER SEEN YOU’RE LYING TO YOURSELF
LORD FARQUAAD MORE LIKE LORD WHATTHEFUCKWHYWOULDTHEANIMATORSTHINKTHISISOKAYFORAKIDSMOVIEJESUS
jimbertimber:
coming out to your parents by saying swiggity swag guess whos a fag
whyamisorandom:
can i try a 30 day free trial of being famous
flutterlings:
the whole yahoo/tumblr thing is rly just like when a single dad marries a new woman and the kids get rebellious and are like “YOU’RE NOT MY REAL MOM”
whittenorr:
i just got really fucked up thinking about clouds
weigh as much as an elephant or a 747 or more but still float
literally full of electricity much like your standard vibrator
pisses rain all over us ungrateful bastards
make cool shapes like rabbits or dongs
they dont give a fuck where they go they just go to trash shit
props clouds, you’re metal as hell
abhortion:
movies based off books are bad but books based off movies are so much worse
thatsmoderatelyraven:
dont ever be mean to anyone because you literally have no idea what theyre going through
cyberthug13:
the hangover 3: wow I’ve been drugged again Lmfao my friends are nuts!were crazy white folks
anfagistan:
nayx:
nobody has pooped on our rug in 4 days so i baked a cake
$1.1 billion
craplos:
ladies. be careful when u wear spaghetti straps. it might distract the boys. they’ll start thinking of spaghetti. they will get hungry. they will stop at nothing to get their spaghetti.
rosaparking:
rosaparking:
what do u call a boomerang that doesnt work?
a useless piece of shit
romulusthread:
MY MATH TEACHER SAW ME TEXTING AND MADE ME STAND IN FRONT OF THE ROOM AND HE TOLD ME TO READ THE TEXTS BUT I WOULNT SO HE TOOK MY PHONE AND READ THE LAST THREE ON THERE OUT LOUD AND THE FIRST ONE WAS “IM HUNGRY” AND MY FRIEND REPLIED WITH “HUNGRY FOR SEMEN” AND I SAID “TRUE THOUGH” IMGONNA JUMP OFF A BUILDING
deucebowl:
a fancy asian restaurant called “Suit and Thai”
emilioestevez:
story time
so about 7 months ago, my girlfriend at the time asked me to move in. so i did and we lived together for roughly 6 weeks. she asked me to move out until i was mature enough to live with a girl because in those 6 weeks i drew a dick on her face while she was sleeping 11 times.
hitlervevo:
svviffer:
girlhearted:
svviffer:
why cant our skin be transparent
cuz thats fuckin gross
but imagine how cool it would be to see your heart do the thing
the thing
tourist: could you give us directions to Olive Garden?
new yorker: no, but i could give you directions to an actual Italian restaurant lol
tourist: oh you think you're clever???
new yorker: what
tourist: i'm going to meet my dying neice and she happens to love olive garden so her whole family is going to eat with her so she'll have a few moments of happiness
new yorker: oh... oh i'm so sor
tourist: no shut the fuck up you piece of shit. i'll find it myself
the tourist drives off and the new yorker is left to think about his life choices and his decision to be a giant condescending asshole
“Stop comparing where you’re at with where everyone else is. It doesn’t move you...”
– Daniell Koepke (via internal-acceptance-movement)
sfux:
i feel like people who eat breakfast really have their lives together
Me every night: I can have exactly 7 hours 23 minutes and 48 seconds of sleep if I fall asleep right now.
